I was JUST feeling all grand and stuff. I was running off the fumes of yesterday's performance at the open mic night and positive energy and artistic souls but this living situation just sucked up all my glory. I was kind of turned off yesterday before I left the house because I was told to clean my room while walking out the door.I wouldn't have been so annoyed if my room was in fact "not clean". I'm tired of this small ass room and cramming all my shit in here.
In this moment I have become fed up with my living situation. I can't do this shit anymore. Family initially saying they support me but after a while they make me feel like I'm a lazy, shiftless, free loader. I know that I am neither of those, however I can admit that a lot of days I don't feel good which is something I can't help.
I remember from a few months ago my little cousin said to my grandmother, "Amber has a lot of grey hair, probably because of stress." Grandma responds, "Stress from what? Amber has nothing to be stressed about."
I constantly talk to her and tell her about the things that stress me out like not having a permanent full time job since December 2008, money, loss, insecurities, my mother, and my lack of independence. I feel like I do a lot of talking but I don't get through to anyone or is it just that no one really cares. Everyone is quick to give advice for a situation they know nothing about. All my family members are hard workers and they think I'm not trying half as hard as them when they were my age.
I want a job, my own residence, and car just like the next man, but my lack of attaining those things does not mean I'm not trying. I don't know what I am going to do to get my own but today is my breaking point. Somethings gotta give.
No comments:
Post a Comment