Who Cares She's Handicapped?!

Before I begin I must make note that I am in no way or form attempting to ridicule anyone with physical or mental deformities, conditions,  or genetic predispositions.


I am enrolled in Oral Communication or simply Speech Class. Every few weeks or so we have to stand before the class and deliver a speech. When we write the outline for our speech we must take into account that it must intrigue and captivate our audience, the class. We also have to submit our outline typed in the correct format, not a manuscript.


So, there is this lady from China that has a very thick accent. She is also in one of those motorized wheel chairs ( I don't know what you call it). The 1st speech we had to deliver to the class, she spoke about her coming to the United States for surgery on her back. It was very hard to understand her but I grasped the idea  of her speech.


I glanced at the paper she turned into the professor and it was just manuscript. We weren't supposed to do that. Since she didn't turn in the outline and didn't follow the format her speech was incorrect! After every individual speech we constructively criticize the performance. No one said anything negative to her and as I expected, neither did the professor. He said, "Your speech was very clear, you have a great speaking voice and you used great vocabulary." He failed to mention that she didn't follow the format, she spoke too low, and know one knew what the hell she was talking about. Fast forward to Yesterday.


We had more speeches to deliver and its the Chinese lady's turn to deliver her speech. Once again, she turned in a manuscript. She announced that her topic was about the Economy in China. That was the last understandable thing she said for about 5 minutes. I look around the class and I see students laughing, texting, closing their eyes, the professor was fiddling with his watch and I couldn't help but wonder when this was going to be over.


When she finished, it was time for us to critique the speech. No one wanted to say anything. The professor was very sweet to her saying that it was a very complex speech and this time he did mention her format but that was it. So, on the train ride home, I thought how is this teacher going to possibly give this girl a bad grade? He already treats her differently than the other students. There is an apparent miscommunication because she obviously cant follow directions and no one knows what she is saying majority of the time. 


But, my problem is that if she had the mental capacity to get into college and obviously pass grade school why can't she be treated like the other students. There are other students that are capable of the work that also are not from the United States with thick accents, but they follow the format and deliver interesting and great speeches. I know it's none of my business if the professor gives her a passing grade or not but she is just like the rest of us and she should be treated as such.

I wonder...

[Insert nerdy thought cloud here] I'm currently studying Freud's Psychosexual Stages of Development. According to this model of gratification, based on my age and experiences, i should be at the stage of Intimacy.

Since my lack of intimacy is overwhelmingly annoying and somewhat changing my perspective on relationships, I wonder if it's causing some sort regression. And unfortunately I think Ive regressed to the stage of Anal gratification. Not anal sex but taking poos.

Gross right? Well I get a similar effect from self love. You get that urge and you prepare mentally for that sweet release. In my opinion, I didn't know this basic biological process could be so rewarding.

I literally get excited. Like "Yay! Time to go poopy!" And what makes it even better is that no one bothers me when I'm in the bathroom! (Hmmm. Maybe I should start loving myself in there.)

Anyway, this lack of sex has me wondering if, when we reach and pass new levels on Freud's Stages of Sexual Development are the previous lost or do we remain equally gratified by the prior? My textbook doesn't answer this. What do you think?

Mommy Dearest

I'm definitely having Mommy issues again. These days I'm feeling like realizing that she is more than likely the root of all my problems. More like the root of ALL evil.
Yeah I know I'm 23 and I should hold myself accountable for my insanity, instability, insecurity and other character flaws, but my childhood relationships and occurrences definitely helped shape this warped sense of self I have. I realized over the Christmas and New Years holidays that the main failure of parents is not listening and paying attention to your children.
For instance my mother used to call me stupid and that's not so bad if after all the anger died down she had explained to me that I wasn't. I used to tell her that her calling me stupid hurt my feelings deeply and she'd brush it off. So, I brought this up to her one afternoon when she called my little brother stupid. After she called him stupid I told him that he wasn't stupid.
         After he went into his room I asked my mother "why are you yelling at him and calling him stupid?"  She said that she didn't call him stupid. I then explained to her that its crazy how she can't control her anger and remember something that happened a few moments ago.
This topic came up again and of course it was initiated by me. I told her that I finally see why i do resent her. She said, "What, you want me to apologize for calling you stupid? Well I'm sorry." I would have accepted that apology if it wasn't forced and not a snide remark.

I later started to think about my father not being there after the divorce and how she wasn't there either. Yes we lived with her but she didn't spend any time with my sister, me or my little brother. She was always out with her friend that didn't like children and here my mother has 3. Then she started dating after her girlfriend got deployed then the next thing you know she is getting engaged to be married. She never had the time alone with us to cope with the absence of my father. So with her being the available parent but still refused to get through to us, she sure as hell is who I get mad with and still have a lot of anger towards.

I feel like my sister, brother and I have raised ourselves when we needed her the most. She used to tell me that she doesn't have to do anything for us. My rebuttal would be, yes you do because you had us, we didn't choose to be here. I was a child having these conversations with my mother and I know I always challenged her but it's time for her to take responsibility for her actions and look at the way she raised us so she can give me a sincere apology.

I know I have to take control of my life and heal myself because I may never get that apology. I may also never have a great relationship with my mother. Of course she isn't talking to me again because I purchased a laptop because I needed one since I started school again and her birthday passed and I didn't get her a gift. Mind you, Im not currently working and I don't live with her. She's selfish and doesn't even see that when it comes to children they should never want for nothing. I thought I was supposed to be a gift to her not to be used at her disposal. Unfortunately she is part of my reason for not wanting to come back to Virginia for so much as a visit. Maybe one day we'll reconcile things. Hopefully

Double Standards

Being on twitter and talking to a bunch of men, I constantly see them complain and talk about how women are such "jockers" or copy a female's style like Nicki Minaj, Amber Rose, and Rihanna. I personally feel that these women are doing their thing. They are doing great things as far as Branding themselves. Since they breathe fashion and individuality its no mystery why women want to emulate them. These girls are influenced by them and dress like them, wear their hair like theirs, and even call themselves the names of these celebrities.

I don't have a problem with that because famous people have been influencing hair, makeup, and fashion trends since there was a Hollywood. I do have a problem with the men that bash these women for doing so. I have a problem with them because its like the pot calling the kettle black. Men "Dick Ride" so much it's not even funny and its acceptable.

Take a celebrity/athlete like Michael Jordan. Every guy you know that are into sneakers, owns a pair of Jordans or multiple pairs. And wait it does not end there. He can get a Jordan tattoo, have Jordan posters, clothes, and talk about him like he knows him personally. They can tell you his whole life story, stats, etc etc. Is that NOT obsession? I find that to be so extreme. But when a teenaged - early 20's year old female rocks full bangs and calls herself a Barbie she's a Nicki Stan? And when I refer to these men that do that, they are like 21 and up, hell even the ones in their 30's.

So tell me? What makes these men think that its cool for them to rock Air Yeezy's , a Levis jean jacket and skinny jeans and swear that they are so different knowing you just saw a picture of Cudi wearing the exact same thing. Or wait, how about when Ye' dropped "Runaway", so many GROWN men were calling themselves Douchebags because Kanye called himself that..

Another instance is men loving Wiz and Curren$y.. I love them too, but dudes just know they are in the Taylor Gang and are Jets wearing Chuck Taylors and Jets paraphernalia. And these men take it to another level! Wiz and Spitta only smoke papers, so guess what? So many guys only smoke with papers now?

All in all men act like ho ass groupies too.. Excuse my language but I call it as I see it.

It's Been a While..Again

Sooo... I know it's been such a long time since I last updated my blog. I really don't know what I am going to do to it.. I don't really have a following or anything, which is why I don't update that much. Or maybe its because I am more boring than I thought..  Or its the fact that I don't have loyal friends.. Who knows..

OH!!! And I bought a new laptop so I don't have an excuse to NOT Blog.. Also don't forget to go to AmberNoRoseBlog where I'm a featured blogger.

Anyway,
I started school in January and it has been amazing so far. I'm actually doing great in all my classes. I'm doing exceptionally well in the one class I thought I would have issues in. However, I do have social issues in that class. Well its very one-sided really. More like my problem..LOL

There is this girl that I sit next to in the class gets on my nerves. I don't know anything about her but she is just UGH. The 1st thing she did that pissed me off was take up the whole table.. Like 2/3's of the table is consumed mostly with this big dirty bag! It's not a purse so put that bag on the floor.

Another thing, I know that you should always be yourself at all times, but the way this girl scratches her hair is so disgusting. She puts her hand under her shirt and scratches her stomach and back.. And the sound of her nails digging into her skin makes my skin crawl... And her hands are always ashy.. I'm just thinking DUH! That's why you're itchy like that, you haven't moisturized.

The thing that pissed me off the most is her questioning me if my hair was real or not. Sometimes i blow my hair out, flat iron, do braid outs (often) and buns.  So i guess the week before last I had my hair in my styled from my regular braid out with the middle part and the next week i blew it out and had it in a bun on top of my head. She says to me on the day I had my hair in the bun, "What happened to your hair?"
 I respond, "Huh?"
She says, "Last week you had it out and curly"
Me, "Yeah, it's just up in a bun now"
Her "But it was big, was that a weave?"
Me, "Yes, that's my natural hair"

How you gon' question the hair that I grew out my head? This week.. I had my hair out again. As soon as I sit down I can feel her staring at me. I turn to look at her and she quickly turns her head. She was really staring at my hair to figure out if I'm lying. Whether I'm lying about my hair or not, is it gonna change her life if its real or fake? It's not like she complimented me.

Anyway, i am going to try to manage my time better to stay committed to this blog.

xoxoxoxo

Update

Hey guys and gals,

I just wanted to let you guys know that I am now a contributing author on AmberNoRose.com!
I am completely thrilled and excited about this opportunity because I like blogging and I've been wanting to get more exposure and experience.
   The creator of the blog's name is Amber too!!.. How exciting is that? Hence the name... I just did a product review. So just click HERE to check it out. Thanks for the support!

"For Colored Girls" Review

Last night I watched For Colored Girls for the 2nd time. Initially when I heard about the movie and that Tyler Perry was the producer/director I got so turned off. My opinions of Tyler movies and him as whole are another topic but I don't like his works too much. So, based upon his previous releases I wasn't thrilled. However I was convinced to see it and that was one heavy movie. I then found myself reading so many reviews of the movie and mostly men critics hated the movie because they were "bashed". I just laugh at that because this movie wasn't about them.. Men were minor props in the movie. 

I feel that every lead role and their story was about how we as women are victimized even though we somewhat put ourselves in these damaging relationships and situations. And most powerfully the admission of the shame and guilt that was caused because of our trust in others that allow us to become vulnerable. 

Though I have never really experienced anything like these characters but when I look back at the decisions I've made in life, in retrospect that are mistakes there is this burgeoning guilt and embarrassment. Women are so vulnerable, its our nature. And at that same time we have instinct. And that alone is why we can feel so ashamed. 

But what I learned from this movie is still something I'm trying to figure out. Its like the poem that Loretta Devinespoke about someone "walking off with all of my stuff" is easier said than done. How can we avoid being "raped' by a person that was invited in, making your mate faithful, doing everything right and still being left alone? I guess the point is all about resilience. Being strong and moving on maybe? 

All in all it was a great movie for all women. I'd definitely watch it again...