Alright Already

I've been quite annoyed recently.

Just 6 short days ago, it has been a year since I lost my friend Jasmine. I was a little down and stayed in the house all day even though I promised myself I would not do that. The fact that she's gone bothered me, but not as much as my grandparent's comments about how I handled her death.

They pretty much said, "You kids these days throw away jobs and opportunities like its nothing." And I responded with, "I never gave up a job." I was so kindly reminded that I quit my assignment last summer that I was about 2 weeks into when she passed.

I explained to them that I just couldn't hop back on the bus and come back up here like life was going to be the same. Then my grandmother told me that when my Aunt died she got a week to grieve and went right back to work at the hospital. I commend her for that because I don't know how I could cope with loss then pretty much walk right back into a place that's full of death. But how could she compare deaths?! Yes I know that me and Jasmine were not as close as a mother and daughter but how could she say that I was just lazy and didn't want to work.

As if the circumstances of her death were not traumatic like any other death. And I don't even tell the whole story of her death, I knew her killer too. He's been in my house, we partied together, and worked together too, so for him to take his life as well hurts just as much.

Its just so much stuff that occurred during that time and I have not healed. I tried talking to my grandmother in particular about it but its like "I know you lost a friend, but they're replaceable unlike a daughter." So she will never know the full extent of my struggle with losing my best friend.

I may be wrong, but with my Aunt's death everything is clear cut. We know how and why she died. It was a terminal illness and we know she suffered and it all had to end at the tender age of 26. However, my friends life was snatched away, maliciously with no justice served. She was targeted by her ex-lover, my friend. Then he took his own life. Whatever, I'm no better for making that comparison myself.