IT's Been A Minute

With all that has been going on in my life I haven't really had the chance to update my blog regularly. Its like as soon as I thought things were getting better, things have changed.

I'm more than sure that things could get worse but life is a little to much right now.
I looked at my blogger dashboard and I have 4 unfinished blogs.. *sigh*

THis is a quick rundown of whats been going on
-I have a crazy ass cousin that keeps disappearing leaving her 3 year old daughter for weeks at a time
-My other little cousin is dealing with abuse (her mother is the aunt that took me to Hawaii)
-Still facing unemployment and depression
-And just recently I had a BAC of 1.60 so I ended up in the hospital

Well whoever you believe in just pray or hope for my mental stability and that my family will one day get it together.

MY MOM is Sooo Embarassing

Oh yeah! Im talking to my mother again. Anyway.. My last sexual experience was with a guy that I have had a thing for..for about 9 years. To cut to the chase I wanted it so bad by this point in time that when it happened it was terrible..

By terrible I mean PAINFUL for me. Size issues SMH.. How embarrassing?! I still love him though...

Anyway TODAY, he calls me and asks me for my sister's number because his friend wants it.. I gave him a hard time and told him that he only calls when he wants something. He completely ignores me and asks for the number again. I gave it to him.

So just a few minutes ago my sister says "I just got finished doing his and his best friend's hair." I thought oh wow okay.

Now he is a BIG GUY! I mean like 6'7 probably like 300 pounds. My mother saw him before but I guess she forgot and says "Oh ____! You hurt my daughter.." Then she walks off.

Moral of the story.. Never give your mother specific details of a past sexual experience because it will bite you in the butt. LOL

Love Is The Worst Part Of Life!

Okay, I am kinda hesitant about writing this blog because I don't want to make any of the "people" in my life mad or think I'm cheating because I am kinda attached.
But, whatever this is a blog...

So, ever since I moved to NY I've subconsciously been wanting to date... No haps but I eventually met a few guys. Ok the 1st guy I met...the situation was so weird. I was working at the shop on a saturday I believe and it was late in the evening. I was at the pedicure station finishing up this lady's feet and I look at the door and this tall sexy guy walks in OMG! I watched him while I cleaned up and he paid me no mind. He dropped of a pair off white uptowns and left. I didn't even ask my boss about him because I knew that he wasn't the type of guy I would normally deal with despite my initial attraction.

the next time I saw him was on that following thursday. He came for a pedicure. I was nervous as hell. He took his shoes off and his feet were all nice. So I start to file and buff his toe nails. He wasn't paying my ass any mind as far as I could tell. The whole time Im doing his feet underneath my boobs were sweating and my forehead. I was about to clip his cuticle with the nipper and he told me to be careful because he was diabetic. I don't know why but that really turned me on. I scrubbed his feet and then massaged them and I think he was getting aroused because he kept shifting his body and looking at me. I finished the pedi and that was that.

There was no conversation at all. That blew my mind because most men that I do manis or pedis for always hit on me or at least talk to me. I really liked that about him. He kept coming by more and more and one day I asked my boss about him. I told her that I thought he was hot, but I didnt think he was interested because he doesnt pay me any attention. His friend was in the shop when I said that and he overheard me so he tells him. So like 5 minutes later sexy comes in and asks me for my number.. His voice was so low and smooth and he called my phone and rushed out the shop. I think he was talking low so I could move in closer to him.. *squeals*

That turned me on too because he just left me sitting there in this dumb daze. He does that to me all the time. He comes in talks to me for a little then leaves abruptly, leaving me wanting more.

But anyway what happened was that one day I wasn't feeling good and I went in the office to put my head down. There was a knock on the office door and it was him. I opened the door and he came in and asked if I was okay. Then he asked me for a hug and I gave him one. Then he just stared in my eyes and kissed me on my cheek. Then my neck and he put his arms around my waist and he told me he wasn't happy with his current living situation. He explained to me that he had 2 babies and girl at home. i BACKED OFF. I couldn't possibly get in the middle of that.

Of course he kept coming by more and more. Then one day he asked me to give him a manicure which I did. While I massaged his hands we were talking a little. He was looking me in my eyes and he mentioned something about me and him and forever. Then he started biting his lips and closing his eyes and then he asked me to stop and he just got up and left.

I consider him a love I never got to love.. Ehhh oh well

WAS THIS A DREAM

Okay! I'm like crazy excited about what happened to me today. I kept asking myself seconds after like was this for real. LMAO!

So today I go into work and Diamond my manager says, "You missed it yesterday the "palm reader" was in here yesterday as soon as you left." I thought daaaaang I would have loved to partake in something like that just for sh**s and giggles ya know. And 20 minutes later the 2 "palm readers" walk in.

One was short, middle aged and chubby and the other was young tall and thin. Both of them looked middle eastern or Indian. So the short older guy comes and starts talking to me and asks me if I want to have a reading and I declined gently. Then, he says "You have a very cheerful face,but you're hiding a lot of pain because of problems with your family." True. But I just smiled and nodded my head.

Then, this guy moves me into the back of the shop so that he can talk to me more in private. I told him, "Im not paying for anything because I don't want to." So of course he keeps talking saying, "there are 3 people thinking about you right now and one of them you don't like." That reading made me laugh out loud because thats fucking random as hell and vague.

Then he says I am craving a relationship and love but I only want to deal with men my age. And he mentioned how sensual, romantic, and sexual I am with the perfect guy. Then he said that there is an older guy in the picture that really wants me but I dont feel the same way yadda yadda yadda.

Here's the kicker: He then precedes to say "you like "big man"... like 8 inches" I freaking died laughing in that man's face. I mean what woman wouldn't enjoy that. Then he says yeah big and thick. And this man gestures the girth with his hands.. To make it worse he grabs his meat right in front of me and asks me to EFFIN touch his thing. Imagine a lil Indian palm reader (with the effin turban..okay over exaggeration and it may have made the story better but) saying "plaaaahhhhhzzzzz touch. laaak thees?"

I was surprisingly nice and said "no nooo... No thank you!" This nasty perv asked me what I was doing tonight. I told him work. And he wanted to take me out. WTF.. Hell Nah. See thats why I cant believe in no dang Palm Readers... Because he should have been able to read that I wasnt feeling him or him telling me what size penis I like.

Sure enough I was baffled and he got up to leave and told me that I needed to pray more and drink more water. FOH with that random generic reading... But, that whole situation was crazy...

I Was Waiting For You

Well, I haven't spoken to my mother in like almost 2 months. Reason: She's crazy plain and simple. She stopped talking to me after the family reunion.

Anyway, it has kinda been bothering me but then again she is negative and mean to me. She automatically assumed I had an attitude when I was in Virginia and told my sister she was ready for me to leave.

AfterI was told I was unwelcome my sister was supposed to leave on a thursday night and I dropped her off at the airport. She gave me her car insurance money to give to my mother. That night I was to leave I handed my mother the money and she was smiling like I was just giving her a stack of cash for GP (general purpose).

I know she was having money problems but seriously what in her mind went off to think I was giving her money knowing i was broke and still didnt have a job. So I said, "This is Ebony's insurance money" and her face dropped.

An hour later she dropped me off tto the bus station and I was about to leave and I asked her if she was gonna hug me and she was acting like I asked her to give me a limb or something. Then I told her bye and while Im walking away she says "Next time you come here drop tthe attitude or dont come at all." I asked her what I did wrong and she couldnt answer me. And i asked her, "how can I correct mmyself if I dont know wwhat I did wrong?"

so since then there has been no IMs calls or txt messaging. i dont feel bad about it though. My life feels sso right right now. I never felt she supported me in anything.

Come to think of it ssshe treated me kinda wrong while growing up. For instance: multiple beatings in one day, practically locking me in a dark hot garage (at one point in time i was deathly afraid of the dark), being called stupid constantly, getting kicked out the house, and to top it off when she told me and my sister her and my dad were getting divorced me and my sister cried. She told me, "shut up!! you only crying because your sister is."

who says that or does that to a child. I know I was a handful growing up but i used to tell her that her calling me stupid really upset me and for her to beat me with no reason or correction messed my head up.

Then she claims that she doesnt want to have a relationship with her daughters thats like the non exsistent relationship she has with her mother. Its kinda too late though because i'm grown now and sooo many great things are happening and I share them wwith my Grandma (not her mother). She listens and doesnt judge me. She supports me and feeds me positivity.

Truthfully I dont need anything from my mother. The only thing I need is my damn bond.

It seems kinda harsh but Im trying to lead a positive lifestyle and sadly she's bringing me down. I was subconscientously waiting on her call... but Im done waiting for an apology or call thats never gonna come.

RELAX

Yeah that's what I need to do. I am finally getting my life together and my brain is constantly going 3 trillion mph... I keep thinking ahead instead of living for the moment.. I can't help but obsess over my future and the way I want things to be.

Possibilities of relationships with new people and how my choices today are equivalent to the Chaos Theory (according to my life of course)... IDK I need to find a way to center my thoughts/put them in order and ULTIMATELY chill because I may just blow a fuse with all this thinking.

Hmmmmph, tis all for now!

BLUE LABIA

So yesterday I go to this Block Party in Bed-Stuy.. I'm sitting on some steps with my elbow on my knees chilling. I was watching the kids play and ride their bikes. I'm sitting like that for an hour.

I got up to go see what DVDs this lady was selling 2 for $1. When I stood up and started walking.. OMG I had the strangest feeling between my legs..

I continue to walk and I'm thinking, "Dang my stuff (vagina) feels funny!" I keep walking and get to the ladies table and I shifted my weight to one leg and I got this cold sensation on one side of "her".

Shift my weight to the other leg... same thing

So I walk back and I'm getting little tingles that were quite gratifying *snickers*... But She woke back up by the time I sat back down. LMAO!

Cause of a numb Va-Jay Jay: Maybe those shorts I had on with the combination of the way I was sitting on that concrete step...