BOTTOM OF A LANDFILL

So Today I awake at 2:44 pm feeling like somebody dropped a piano on me from outta the sky. I had no intentions waking up this late because I went to bed around 2. Honestly, I've been feeling like this damn near everyday for a while. And I'm starting to wonder what the heck is going on with me?

HMMM... whats going on with me? Let's analyze my year so far. I lost my job back in December resulting in drinking myself into oblivion. Being drunk ALL the time lead me to do some things that I will never speak on. That's between me and my creator.

Losing my job and not being able to find another one I then had to move from the house me and my roomie were living to back at home with our parents. However I didn't go home just then. I stayed at my grandmas and did some more unmentionable things like getting drunk all the time. Let's say things I would not have done had I been sober.

Anyway, my Grandma was set to come home and I booked home to Mommy.

Living with my mother is like hell. When I 1st got there my brother who is younger would make snide remarks about my unemployment and not having a car. OH YEAH I almost missed an important detail: I blew out my engine while leaving the club one night!
So lets tally that up : No home, no money, no job, and no car.

Now through all of this stuff I haven't even cried one bit. I PRIDE MYSELF on being strong.

All the while I was dating and things were fine. This one guy even asked me if I needed money and things like that but my pride wouldn't let me. I met him at a club one night. (Its awesome being a girl - free cover everywhere!)
Back to the important things though. I finally got a job in March at this Ghetto Call center and I was grateful for what I had. I was sooo happy things would be back to normal again with some saving and planning. So much for wishful thinking. I got sick probably from all the stress and was in the bed for 2 weeks. In return I lost my job because I was there for 3 weeks and I was still in training. So back to square one. Ive had some interviews and stuff but I never got the job.

So ever since I got sick..my health has not been right. I feel sick and tired all the time and unhappy. So since I'm not working I have a lot of time to myself and I think all the time. My mind races constantly. My sleeping habits are deplorable and my head always throbs. Sometimes I'm not tired at all and don't sleep, other days like today I could sleep forever.

Now in the midst of all of this Ive decided to move back to NY. I guess I need a city with a heartbeat that I can feel. Opportunities are so vast there and I know I will have no excuse to fail like I have done here in Newport News, VA. Is that reason enough to be depressed and in the bottom of a landfill.