I still feel like crap of course. I'm trying to find the root of my said debilitating sadness. I woke up for school yesterday and I just couldn't keep myself together while getting dressed and on the train ride. That couldn't be more embarrassing.
I was so emotionally drained in my favorite class. I usually can't wait for that class because my teacher is such a babe and he's a musician. He always orients the day's lesson to music or something I find extremely captivating. Anyway, I was not enthused about being there until he asked my opinion of big airline companies using small regional carriers without background checks. I gave my response willingly because no one in the class seemed interested. We had a short dialogue amongst ourselves for about 3 minutes.
Fast forward to the room change to complete an evaluation. I finished the evaluation and I walk out the class behind him and we both walked down the stairs together and he asked me about my other classes. I then explain that my grades are fine but I am unhappy with school. He said he noticed that I wasn't "there" today and that I was very bright and asked what my career goals were.
I told him that I was interested in the music program at Brooklyn College only to find out that he graduated from there and is still very involved on campus. He even offered to contact some people at the college if I needed a reference or any help at all when i make that step. How SWEET. I also found it very sweet and sad that it takes a complete stranger to notice that I'm unhappy. Or maybe I was just that obvious. I don't know.
For the past few months I've been having the worst stomach pain and today on the train ride home from school, the pain became persistent. When I got to my stop I found it hard to stand but I made it off the train, up the steps, across the parking lot and into the house. When I got in my room my head started throbbing, I got extremely hot and took off my jacket. I went into the bathroom and when I went to wash my hands I couldn't stand straight. I took out two Aleves from the medicine cabinet and stumbled into the kitchen to get a cup of water to wash down the pills. I got into my bed and fell asleep for about 4 hours.
I would hate to be sick and end up in the hospital, but I am unsure of my medical coverage. I'll call Monday to see if I'm covered. I can't afford to miss the last week of school because I got sick.
Maybe this stress is taking a toll on me. I don't know what a mental breakdown feels like but I'm sure that's where I'm headed.
No comments:
Post a Comment