BLUE LABIA

So yesterday I go to this Block Party in Bed-Stuy.. I'm sitting on some steps with my elbow on my knees chilling. I was watching the kids play and ride their bikes. I'm sitting like that for an hour.

I got up to go see what DVDs this lady was selling 2 for $1. When I stood up and started walking.. OMG I had the strangest feeling between my legs..

I continue to walk and I'm thinking, "Dang my stuff (vagina) feels funny!" I keep walking and get to the ladies table and I shifted my weight to one leg and I got this cold sensation on one side of "her".

Shift my weight to the other leg... same thing

So I walk back and I'm getting little tingles that were quite gratifying *snickers*... But She woke back up by the time I sat back down. LMAO!

Cause of a numb Va-Jay Jay: Maybe those shorts I had on with the combination of the way I was sitting on that concrete step...

FML Right?

As you guys should already know I am still looking for a job. Anyway, I got a call Monday for an interview at Ann Taylor. I wasn't really excited because it's just retail and it's part time so no benefits.

I was still grateful to have landed this interview because it's in Lincoln Sq on the West Side of Manhattan. So based upon the demographics of the area and the size of the store it has to pay pretty decent.

I told my Grandparents and they said cool. Papa said he would drive me. I wanted to take the train, but they insisted he drove me. Tuesday Papa had a problem with the water pump on his car so I planned on taking the train. My grandfather asked me to call my cousin and see if he would spend the night here and go with me Wednesday morning for the interview. I wondered "why"? They don't want me on the subway by myself and I'm 21.

My cousin couldn't do that because he had prior engagements. Fine again, but not for my Grandparents. Papa said he would ride with me on the train. I said "I know how to get there, i will be fine by myself."

Grandma insisted we go together; I complied even though I didn't agree. So Grandma says to Papa, "You not gonna go in the interview with her right?" He shrugged it off as to say "Betty I know better than that

We get up, catch the train, and we get there at 8:45 am. The Manager told me to be there between 9-10 before store hours. So we sit on a bench across the street until 9:10 and I walked over to see if someone was inside. No one was there so I walked back and called her to tell her I was there. She said she would be out in a few minutes.

I tell Papa "I'm going across the street she is about to open the door for me." So I cross the street and I stand by the door. I turn around and there my Papa is. I'm thinking please don't do this Grandpa. Sure enough the manager opens the door for me and we shake hands and Papa tries to walk in right behind me into my interview. I had to tell him the store wasn't open they can't let you in.

That crushed all my confidence because here I am a grown woman and my Papa is escorting me to the interview.

All in all, the interview went fine but I don't think I got the job because Carmen the Manager says " You don't seem aggressive enough for the position, like you need a little push to get you going."

That was a LOW BLOW! I have never been told that before. I guess she assumed by my Papa being there i wasn't independent enough or strong enough.

I'm not saying its his fault why I don't think I have a shot at the job, but he may have caused a little doubt in the managers mind. I don't know what to do because this can not keep happening when I get interviewed other places.

This totally sucks though. I'm 21 and felt 12. I even cried myself to sleep that night. I ate my life away the remainder of the day as well.

FML

Really? We Still Causing Division?

I have GOT to get this off my chest. This has been bothering me for the longest and it's an on going issue.

Why are people still blinded by color or skin tone? Black people are still stuck on light skin and dark skin. Which one is better or worse as far as who to date or trust.

I started to notice this crap when I was in high school. I was on the bus and the guys started talking about girls and their preferences. There were like 7 guys on the bus and probably 5 out of 7 agreed with only wanting to date a Light skin Female.

I automatically thought "Whoa?" So I questioned them whats the difference between a lighter skin tone and a darker one... No one had a specific answer. It was more along the lines of "they just better."

Then I remembered a whole lot of things that I experienced years before.

Case 1: My aunt is dark skinned and so is her 1st child. Her last 2 children are light skinned. We were going to the park one day and she says "Ooh let me put sun screen on my babies. I don't want them to get all dark!" Mind you she neglects the oldest.

Case 2: There was this guy I met one night at the club. We talking outside the club and he complimented me and said "You're real cute to be dark skin." I'm like WTF? So I give him the stank face and walk away.

Case 3: Many of the females I went to school with only wanted to date a light skin guy. Because of fear of their babies coming out nappy headed and dark. So Its just not the fellas that discriminate.

Don't get me wrong though. I understand people have their preferences but, why would you limit yourself to one skin tone. And also this is a slave mentality that we should all stray away from. No one chooses to be the color they are and sometimes (a lot of times) we insult each other on things that we can't change.

I feel like I am the only one that see this division. Of course it's not as bad as it used to be but for some reason people are still passing this type of thinking on to their children so its a never ending cycle of Separation, Prejudice and discrimination.

I hear kids taunt each other because of skin tone. I have learned that all shades of black is beautiful and its the truth. If we were all the same color that would take away so much of our heritage and roots.

As always I'm wishing for a change that will unite us and love and appreciate one another for our differences. Not oppress each other on what makes us Unique.

Remeber this: There is NO superior color to be because ALL BLACK IS BEAUTIFUL!

I'm Back from Hawaii

Feels like I have been gone forever guys *snickers at my 3 followers*! I'm back!

I successfully moved to Brooklyn and I'm loving it. Things would be Utopia if my aunt will leave me alone. (I will get into that in a bit) I'm still on that concrete grind looking for a job, but there are so many more opportunities opposed to the 757.

So, 2 days before I was set to move, my aunt calls me with an attitude asking "Do you want to go to Hawaii with me?" I'm broke so I say " You know I ain't got money for that." She replies" I ain't ask you all of that...Do you want to go!?!"

Y'all know what my answer was.. "HECK YEAH": everything was cool. Packed my Hawaii bag separate and I was on my way. So my understanding was a scotch free trip to Hawaii and that's what it was the whole time..

So Tina, DJ (her 8 year old son) and I were off to JFK! Here's a few of my favorite pics.

Here is the Whole Album (I'm still missing pics and vids because Tina Has them)

So anyway, we were gone for about 2 weeks and I enjoyed my self so much. It was a lifetime unforgettable experience.

Rode ATVs, picked mangoes, papaya, strawberry guava, tried new foods (poi & lo mi lo mi), got sick on a catamaran, learned some Hawaiian language, danced the Hula, and even had a near death experience.. I will not forget a moment!

Okay, vacation was over and back to Brooklyn. We get back she tells me I have to work my trip off. Mind you the understanding was FREE TRIP! So I had to clean her stinky living room. I failed to mention to you that before I left I cleaned DJ's Lil nasty room.

I was LIVID... I did it to get her off my back but then she says the kitchen is next. I can't even begin to explain what her house looks like and yes she is a grown woman. I don't understand. Makes me feel sick to my stomach.

But all in all life is beautiful. I am surrounded by the coolest and most loving Grandparents on the face of this Earth. Even though I have been through a lot I realise I have it good and people really do care for me and help me. So at the end of the day its not always you.

Yeah you may go to bed alone but across the hall for me is my family and my motivation. My 2 rocks. They feel like mommy and daddy and I am so blessed to have them...

Through It All still

So I have 2 days left here in Virginia. On Friday I will be on my way to my new home in Brooklyn. I'm living with family there so I won't be alone. However, I am leaving my Mommy, Lil Brother, and my Big Sister Ebony.

I am going to miss them all dearly, but especially Ebony. I know that's kind of harsh but we are super close. She's my best friend/better half/ partner in crime/Ace/ right hand.. (you get the picture)

She told me she is going to miss me too. But, today I felt otherwise. I feel like I annoy her sometimes and she does talk to me like a little kid. We have been arguing like crazy lately. Maybe because subconsciously we are mad we are parting.

I swear I love being up under her. I look up to her regardless of all her decisions and mistakes. She is the effin coolest. I love her so much but she cut me deep. She was leaving the house when I was pulling up. I asked her, "where you going?" She said, "I'm about to go to the movies."

Of course I wanted to go.. but to make a long story short I had to pee and she didn't want to wait for me. She didn't text me or call me to ask if I wanted to go. She said, "I just want to go by myself."

Yup she pulled my heart right outta my chest. It may seem small to you, but to me every single second counts for me. Because come next week I can't tweet her or text her and say "Okay see ya when you get home, or wanna come to the store with me?"

Those are the little moments and outings I enjoy and look forward to. I almost cried when she turned me down. I TRULY understand that sometimes that people need time to themselves when they are going through some things, but why this week?

I know I could be wrong and seem selfish but could one not think the same for her. I don't know who is wrong here. Of course I still love her to death and I forgive her....

we been doing it BIG since the beginning

And still do NOW

More About Men

This weekend I was Richmond/Petersburg for my step-brother's High School graduation. I was excited to be there and take part in all those festivities. However, I knew some skeletons would resurface. I felt it and it rocked me to the core.

Now this affect of the upcoming events was not fear or joy it was because I didn't know what to expect. I DID know that I would run into a guy that I had a thing for for about 6 or 7 years now... Surprisingly enough he was my step-brothers half brother.

Let me further explain... My stepmother's stepson from a previous marriage. Does that make sense? Either way we are in no direct relation, for that matter indirect as well.

So years ago, we met when we visited my father about an hour and a half away with his new GF *by the way we knew that they were involved while my parents were together* So all the while my sister and I knew was that she had a 10 or 11 year old son.

We get there and we meet her, the son, and in comes Mister (yes we will call him Mister) with the caramel colored skin, big brown eyes, athletic build, nice smile, and great height.

I swear when I saw him my heart pitter pattered and our eyes locked. So we stayed up all night talking. He was a senior in high school and I was a freshman. Then we kissed and that thing turned my world upside down. It was more so what he said that made it so sweet and innocent. He said " I want to do something but I know if I just go for it you might slap me." I said "I would never hit you." Then we kissed and I felt it all over my body.

Ever since then Ive been looking for a kiss like that. But back to the story... I believe he was my 1st love... also first heart break. One time we visited and he told me he had a girlfriend. It hurt but I got over it. Then after countless heartbreaks from no good guys he stays in the back of my mind.

So currently, well this past weekend, I see him again at my brothers graduation and he comes with his girlfriend. I believe she is my age. She seems nice but she is a little awkward. She was staring at me like she knew a secret or something but whatever.

This guy was so different, yes Mister. Its like he was putting on a show and like he couldn't interact with me at all. I'm not expecting things to be as they were because he has a girl and I respect that. For I am no home wrecker or destroyer of what someone has.

Mister couldn't even look at me. He hugged me but it was not the same. Maybe he does love her. It's not my place to question that but I felt different too. I didn't have that same butterfly effect going on in my stomach that I usually do when I see him. I guess I'm over him.
CASE CLOSED! (LOL)

My dad is nasty. He is 43 years old and he looks great. This guy needs to control himself though. He is remarried but I know he stepping out on her.

This is how I know.

#1 I am talking to him about my little brother having girls call the house and how he taking some other girl to the 8Th grade dance that doesn't call the house. Then he says "Oh yeah he definitely has our blood in him. Straight Player" I'm thinking what? You just condoned cheating?

#2 My sister was going through his phone and saw some pictures of some lady. She wasn't my step mother.

#3 We are at the grocery store and he is looking at everything walking like a hungry wolf.

So I don't know what to say about men. Why do they think that they can manipulate women, lie, cheat, totally disregard their feelings, and so much more. What makes it worse is that men encourage each other for ill behavior. That crap is annoying from the young'ns to the old heads: Men will be MEN.

I LOVE IT!!

So, recently I have been going through some things and there are just changes coming at me left and right. Ive had my natural hair for like 3 years now and I was ready to relax.

The other day i was on twitter and this guy I follow quoted Marcus Garvey, " Don't relax the kinks from your hair, remove them from your brain."

Ive been familiarized with this quote for some time now but that day it really set in. I love my hair this way. I feel so free being natural.

I'm keeping it the way my Creator intended it to be and its beautiful. I did a SLIDE SHOW/video on my journey..