WAS THIS A DREAM

Okay! I'm like crazy excited about what happened to me today. I kept asking myself seconds after like was this for real. LMAO!

So today I go into work and Diamond my manager says, "You missed it yesterday the "palm reader" was in here yesterday as soon as you left." I thought daaaaang I would have loved to partake in something like that just for sh**s and giggles ya know. And 20 minutes later the 2 "palm readers" walk in.

One was short, middle aged and chubby and the other was young tall and thin. Both of them looked middle eastern or Indian. So the short older guy comes and starts talking to me and asks me if I want to have a reading and I declined gently. Then, he says "You have a very cheerful face,but you're hiding a lot of pain because of problems with your family." True. But I just smiled and nodded my head.

Then, this guy moves me into the back of the shop so that he can talk to me more in private. I told him, "Im not paying for anything because I don't want to." So of course he keeps talking saying, "there are 3 people thinking about you right now and one of them you don't like." That reading made me laugh out loud because thats fucking random as hell and vague.

Then he says I am craving a relationship and love but I only want to deal with men my age. And he mentioned how sensual, romantic, and sexual I am with the perfect guy. Then he said that there is an older guy in the picture that really wants me but I dont feel the same way yadda yadda yadda.

Here's the kicker: He then precedes to say "you like "big man"... like 8 inches" I freaking died laughing in that man's face. I mean what woman wouldn't enjoy that. Then he says yeah big and thick. And this man gestures the girth with his hands.. To make it worse he grabs his meat right in front of me and asks me to EFFIN touch his thing. Imagine a lil Indian palm reader (with the effin turban..okay over exaggeration and it may have made the story better but) saying "plaaaahhhhhzzzzz touch. laaak thees?"

I was surprisingly nice and said "no nooo... No thank you!" This nasty perv asked me what I was doing tonight. I told him work. And he wanted to take me out. WTF.. Hell Nah. See thats why I cant believe in no dang Palm Readers... Because he should have been able to read that I wasnt feeling him or him telling me what size penis I like.

Sure enough I was baffled and he got up to leave and told me that I needed to pray more and drink more water. FOH with that random generic reading... But, that whole situation was crazy...

I Was Waiting For You

Well, I haven't spoken to my mother in like almost 2 months. Reason: She's crazy plain and simple. She stopped talking to me after the family reunion.

Anyway, it has kinda been bothering me but then again she is negative and mean to me. She automatically assumed I had an attitude when I was in Virginia and told my sister she was ready for me to leave.

AfterI was told I was unwelcome my sister was supposed to leave on a thursday night and I dropped her off at the airport. She gave me her car insurance money to give to my mother. That night I was to leave I handed my mother the money and she was smiling like I was just giving her a stack of cash for GP (general purpose).

I know she was having money problems but seriously what in her mind went off to think I was giving her money knowing i was broke and still didnt have a job. So I said, "This is Ebony's insurance money" and her face dropped.

An hour later she dropped me off tto the bus station and I was about to leave and I asked her if she was gonna hug me and she was acting like I asked her to give me a limb or something. Then I told her bye and while Im walking away she says "Next time you come here drop tthe attitude or dont come at all." I asked her what I did wrong and she couldnt answer me. And i asked her, "how can I correct mmyself if I dont know wwhat I did wrong?"

so since then there has been no IMs calls or txt messaging. i dont feel bad about it though. My life feels sso right right now. I never felt she supported me in anything.

Come to think of it ssshe treated me kinda wrong while growing up. For instance: multiple beatings in one day, practically locking me in a dark hot garage (at one point in time i was deathly afraid of the dark), being called stupid constantly, getting kicked out the house, and to top it off when she told me and my sister her and my dad were getting divorced me and my sister cried. She told me, "shut up!! you only crying because your sister is."

who says that or does that to a child. I know I was a handful growing up but i used to tell her that her calling me stupid really upset me and for her to beat me with no reason or correction messed my head up.

Then she claims that she doesnt want to have a relationship with her daughters thats like the non exsistent relationship she has with her mother. Its kinda too late though because i'm grown now and sooo many great things are happening and I share them wwith my Grandma (not her mother). She listens and doesnt judge me. She supports me and feeds me positivity.

Truthfully I dont need anything from my mother. The only thing I need is my damn bond.

It seems kinda harsh but Im trying to lead a positive lifestyle and sadly she's bringing me down. I was subconscientously waiting on her call... but Im done waiting for an apology or call thats never gonna come.

RELAX

Yeah that's what I need to do. I am finally getting my life together and my brain is constantly going 3 trillion mph... I keep thinking ahead instead of living for the moment.. I can't help but obsess over my future and the way I want things to be.

Possibilities of relationships with new people and how my choices today are equivalent to the Chaos Theory (according to my life of course)... IDK I need to find a way to center my thoughts/put them in order and ULTIMATELY chill because I may just blow a fuse with all this thinking.

Hmmmmph, tis all for now!

BLUE LABIA

So yesterday I go to this Block Party in Bed-Stuy.. I'm sitting on some steps with my elbow on my knees chilling. I was watching the kids play and ride their bikes. I'm sitting like that for an hour.

I got up to go see what DVDs this lady was selling 2 for $1. When I stood up and started walking.. OMG I had the strangest feeling between my legs..

I continue to walk and I'm thinking, "Dang my stuff (vagina) feels funny!" I keep walking and get to the ladies table and I shifted my weight to one leg and I got this cold sensation on one side of "her".

Shift my weight to the other leg... same thing

So I walk back and I'm getting little tingles that were quite gratifying *snickers*... But She woke back up by the time I sat back down. LMAO!

Cause of a numb Va-Jay Jay: Maybe those shorts I had on with the combination of the way I was sitting on that concrete step...

FML Right?

As you guys should already know I am still looking for a job. Anyway, I got a call Monday for an interview at Ann Taylor. I wasn't really excited because it's just retail and it's part time so no benefits.

I was still grateful to have landed this interview because it's in Lincoln Sq on the West Side of Manhattan. So based upon the demographics of the area and the size of the store it has to pay pretty decent.

I told my Grandparents and they said cool. Papa said he would drive me. I wanted to take the train, but they insisted he drove me. Tuesday Papa had a problem with the water pump on his car so I planned on taking the train. My grandfather asked me to call my cousin and see if he would spend the night here and go with me Wednesday morning for the interview. I wondered "why"? They don't want me on the subway by myself and I'm 21.

My cousin couldn't do that because he had prior engagements. Fine again, but not for my Grandparents. Papa said he would ride with me on the train. I said "I know how to get there, i will be fine by myself."

Grandma insisted we go together; I complied even though I didn't agree. So Grandma says to Papa, "You not gonna go in the interview with her right?" He shrugged it off as to say "Betty I know better than that

We get up, catch the train, and we get there at 8:45 am. The Manager told me to be there between 9-10 before store hours. So we sit on a bench across the street until 9:10 and I walked over to see if someone was inside. No one was there so I walked back and called her to tell her I was there. She said she would be out in a few minutes.

I tell Papa "I'm going across the street she is about to open the door for me." So I cross the street and I stand by the door. I turn around and there my Papa is. I'm thinking please don't do this Grandpa. Sure enough the manager opens the door for me and we shake hands and Papa tries to walk in right behind me into my interview. I had to tell him the store wasn't open they can't let you in.

That crushed all my confidence because here I am a grown woman and my Papa is escorting me to the interview.

All in all, the interview went fine but I don't think I got the job because Carmen the Manager says " You don't seem aggressive enough for the position, like you need a little push to get you going."

That was a LOW BLOW! I have never been told that before. I guess she assumed by my Papa being there i wasn't independent enough or strong enough.

I'm not saying its his fault why I don't think I have a shot at the job, but he may have caused a little doubt in the managers mind. I don't know what to do because this can not keep happening when I get interviewed other places.

This totally sucks though. I'm 21 and felt 12. I even cried myself to sleep that night. I ate my life away the remainder of the day as well.

FML

Really? We Still Causing Division?

I have GOT to get this off my chest. This has been bothering me for the longest and it's an on going issue.

Why are people still blinded by color or skin tone? Black people are still stuck on light skin and dark skin. Which one is better or worse as far as who to date or trust.

I started to notice this crap when I was in high school. I was on the bus and the guys started talking about girls and their preferences. There were like 7 guys on the bus and probably 5 out of 7 agreed with only wanting to date a Light skin Female.

I automatically thought "Whoa?" So I questioned them whats the difference between a lighter skin tone and a darker one... No one had a specific answer. It was more along the lines of "they just better."

Then I remembered a whole lot of things that I experienced years before.

Case 1: My aunt is dark skinned and so is her 1st child. Her last 2 children are light skinned. We were going to the park one day and she says "Ooh let me put sun screen on my babies. I don't want them to get all dark!" Mind you she neglects the oldest.

Case 2: There was this guy I met one night at the club. We talking outside the club and he complimented me and said "You're real cute to be dark skin." I'm like WTF? So I give him the stank face and walk away.

Case 3: Many of the females I went to school with only wanted to date a light skin guy. Because of fear of their babies coming out nappy headed and dark. So Its just not the fellas that discriminate.

Don't get me wrong though. I understand people have their preferences but, why would you limit yourself to one skin tone. And also this is a slave mentality that we should all stray away from. No one chooses to be the color they are and sometimes (a lot of times) we insult each other on things that we can't change.

I feel like I am the only one that see this division. Of course it's not as bad as it used to be but for some reason people are still passing this type of thinking on to their children so its a never ending cycle of Separation, Prejudice and discrimination.

I hear kids taunt each other because of skin tone. I have learned that all shades of black is beautiful and its the truth. If we were all the same color that would take away so much of our heritage and roots.

As always I'm wishing for a change that will unite us and love and appreciate one another for our differences. Not oppress each other on what makes us Unique.

Remeber this: There is NO superior color to be because ALL BLACK IS BEAUTIFUL!

I'm Back from Hawaii

Feels like I have been gone forever guys *snickers at my 3 followers*! I'm back!

I successfully moved to Brooklyn and I'm loving it. Things would be Utopia if my aunt will leave me alone. (I will get into that in a bit) I'm still on that concrete grind looking for a job, but there are so many more opportunities opposed to the 757.

So, 2 days before I was set to move, my aunt calls me with an attitude asking "Do you want to go to Hawaii with me?" I'm broke so I say " You know I ain't got money for that." She replies" I ain't ask you all of that...Do you want to go!?!"

Y'all know what my answer was.. "HECK YEAH": everything was cool. Packed my Hawaii bag separate and I was on my way. So my understanding was a scotch free trip to Hawaii and that's what it was the whole time..

So Tina, DJ (her 8 year old son) and I were off to JFK! Here's a few of my favorite pics.

Here is the Whole Album (I'm still missing pics and vids because Tina Has them)

So anyway, we were gone for about 2 weeks and I enjoyed my self so much. It was a lifetime unforgettable experience.

Rode ATVs, picked mangoes, papaya, strawberry guava, tried new foods (poi & lo mi lo mi), got sick on a catamaran, learned some Hawaiian language, danced the Hula, and even had a near death experience.. I will not forget a moment!

Okay, vacation was over and back to Brooklyn. We get back she tells me I have to work my trip off. Mind you the understanding was FREE TRIP! So I had to clean her stinky living room. I failed to mention to you that before I left I cleaned DJ's Lil nasty room.

I was LIVID... I did it to get her off my back but then she says the kitchen is next. I can't even begin to explain what her house looks like and yes she is a grown woman. I don't understand. Makes me feel sick to my stomach.

But all in all life is beautiful. I am surrounded by the coolest and most loving Grandparents on the face of this Earth. Even though I have been through a lot I realise I have it good and people really do care for me and help me. So at the end of the day its not always you.

Yeah you may go to bed alone but across the hall for me is my family and my motivation. My 2 rocks. They feel like mommy and daddy and I am so blessed to have them...